In the Dark

There's a show on Monday nights called "Dating In the Dark"--have you seen it? They take three men and three women who don't know each other and allow them to have videotaped "dates" in a completely dark room. Only the infrared cameras can actually see what is going on in the dark. The premise of the show is to see if relationships can be built without people actually being able to see each other; and THEN can they survive once they get a glimpse of the other person for who they TRULY are. I have to say that I'm completely intrigued by the show, especially now that my beloved "Bachelor" is off the air for a while. :( Anyway, many of the people do have genuine feelings for each other, and then the lights come on and they have to choose whether to meet their date on the balcony or walk out the front door, never to see them again.

Okay, first of all...can you imagine trying to get to know someone in the dark, with a camera on you? Ooh, weird. Secondly, what if they walked out the door? Wouldn't you be left to wonder FOREVER what was wrong with your appearance? Obviously, if they liked you in the dark, saw you in the light, and then all of the sudden though, "nah, I think I'll leave," there must have been something they didn't like in what they saw! Ah, the rejection! :(

But that's the rejection many of us have faced in relationships. We've opened up our lives and our souls just to be disappointed when someone didn't feel that way about us. And then the next time we enter into a relationship, we don't turn the lights on so they can truly see who we are. We are more comfortable in the dark or holding them at arm's length, where we can hide our imperfections and hopefully stay away from the rejection. But that is not how we were meant to live.

I'm a part-time foster parent on weekends and several youngsters have stayed with me from time to time. The one thing that I always notice about these teenagers is the immense willingness they have to please me. They try so hard for me to "like" them because they've been rejected by their birth parents. One teen girl once ate an entire meal at my house that she didn't like just so I wouldn't reject her. I found out later that she hated tacos, but she was afraid to tell me because she wanted me to like her. While we might look at that situation and think how tragic and sad it is, how many of us do the same thing? How many of us have pretended to be someone else so that important people would like us? How many times have you answered "fine" when someone asked you how you were, but deep inside you wanted to tell them that you'd had a really bad day and you needed their help? But instead of being who we REALLY are, we but on a mask, smile, and try to be liked.

It's time for us to be REAL! Let's find people in our lives that we can open up to. And if they do reject us, oh well, they weren't supposed to be our best friends anyway! I have an accountability group. It's comprised of three other women and myself and I feel like I can tell them anything that happens in my world and it wouldn't matter to them. In fact, I HAVE told them everything I've ever done and they still love me. I know that if I were ever in need, these women would be there in an instant! But that openness didn't come without risk. We all had to risk rejection by walking into the light and bearing our hearts. Although it was scary, it was the best thing I ever did.

Find someone this week that you can open up to. Learn how to walk into the light and out of the darkness with someone so you can find deep relationship.